terça-feira, 28 de dezembro de 2010

my farewell

I am afraid.

Afraid of going back. Afraid of leaving it. Afraid of the clarity. Afraid of the darkness. Afraid of my past ... and of my future.

Now I know the reason why I can´t even study, while I know I have to do that. That´s probably why it´s so hard to concentrate. My new way of living is leaving my life in a little bit more than one month and now I don´t know how to survive without it anymore.

Thinking of losing all I ever wanted is too painful and I see sadness on it. It doesn´t seem I won´t resist or deny my destination. Instead of that, I prefer to adapt myself to my new reality and try to work with that the best way I can rather spending hours crying and complaining. I´m not like that, but since now I assume it won´t be that easy at least in the beginning.

Changing my life so fast and suddenly seeing another completely different reality and lots of new (?) problems is disgusting and uninteresting. What should I do? By now I know nothing can be made to change it. As I used to repeat very often during the first six months of this year “I don´t want to run away of my reality, because this is my REAL life. I must face it”.

And it´s the biggest true I have ever told myself, I mean, I could even spend much time like this, but I should not be a traitor of my own goals. I really know what I have to do. I know every single thing: the way to get there and where is “there”.

It is not simple, ´cause it´s arduous…

… but I´m sure I will get there.

IThauan dos SantosI

3 comentários:

Unknown disse...

we do know how it is...
mas ao menos estaremos juntos novamente!


and keep up the good work

Kalif Fatal disse...

Hey T...

Don't think as a "going back situation", but the next step to achieve your goals...

Don't think as a "change in the way of living", but that is part of you, and you can be who you are wherever you go.

Just remember to take your friends with you the same way we'll keep you with us.

...te tenho em mim amigo.


Andre Crespo disse...

absolutamente fantastico...fiquei fã.